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February 2024

January 2021

Year 1. The disappointment sits under the carpet
1988, my grandpa eagerly expects a son before I am born. He gives me a name 元军 meaning "the leading army". A honouring hope for the son continuing…
Year 5. The greatest disgust of my secret is a better reality than revealing it
1993, I pooped my pants in daycare. The natural urge to speak what I want hasn't come naturally yet. Or maybe it has already been suppressed. I fear…
Year 6. We enjoy the adrenaline rush outrunning police cars.
1994, my dad was 35. He loves playing video games.
Year 7. I feel ashamed for ruining the family atmosphere.
Accusals from my father sound like a scary monster.
Year 9. "It's not what you should talk about as a kid." My mom said.
I shed my tears.
Year 10. An instinct to connect puzzles from two different systems.
1998, I start to learn English at school.
Year 13. A dark silhouette in front of me of no color. Who are you?
2001, my dad is soaring at work. He stands in front of the mirror combing his hair, with his aviator sunglasses, a confident grin, and a narcissistic…
Year 14. I was bullied in school.
2002, I was bullied in school. The friend I trust chooses to leave me alone. I feel shameful and betrayed.
Year 17. The teacher asked us spontaneously to write down our dreams.
I write two lines.
Year 18. "It's too late to change. Just settle with it."
My dad insists on it as a safe choice.
© 2025 Yuanjun Liu
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